Tuesday, July 27, 2010

allergic to the world

had an allergy test done today.
i almost wish i hadn't.
it was so much easier to blindly go through life thinking i was invincible.
when in reality i'm allergic to the world.
sad day.

the doctors don't want you to know this but allergy tests are NO FUN!
here's how it goes down...
you take your shirt off and put on one of those paper vest things that open in the back.
then you lay on the bed on your tummy and the nurse stamps your back with a grid so she knows where all the stuff is being put.
then the fun begins and she stabs/scratches your back with a million little things (and by a million i mean 71 - that's how many i got).
then you get to sit around for 15 minutes and try to keep your mind off the incredible ITCH that you're feeling by taking pictures of your back so you can see what it looks like...
(see the grid on my back and the red irritation?)

(in case you were wondering, red is bad. so the whole left side of my back = BAD!)

then the nurse comes in and makes you get back on your tummy so she can mark what you're allergic to and you get to hear her say "wow, you're allergic to A LOT of things."
then the doctor comes back and tells you again for the 100th time that she can't believe you've never had an allergy test done before because it's practically unheard of for a person with severe asthma like me to not have one done.
then she hands you the paper with the test results and they make you want to cry.
you want to get zeros on everything, plus signs are bad.
they might as well have put one giant plus sign on this paper, it would've been easier.
out of 71 things that were tested on me i am allergic to 43 of them.
to sum things up i am allergic to animals, watermelon, cantaloupe, oranges, avocado, and basically every kind of plant known to man.
and also the air, because i have asthma.
so every nice thing that grows out of the ground is out to get me and the oxygen that those nice things produce hurts my lungs.
the only good thing i got from all this allergy talk was when i found a new reason to prove to Matt that we should move to Oregon or Washington.
you see Phoenix/Mesa, Arizona are number 18 on the list of top 100 worst cities for a person with asthma to live.
on the list of best cities for a person with asthma is Seattle coming in at number 2 and Portland coming in at number 5.
it's all about looking at things with a positive spin people!
Matt- i'm packing our stuff so be ready to leave for Oregon when you get home from work tomorrow.

hopefully someone else can give me the positive spin on the other bomb the doctor dropped on me because right now this only makes me want to cry.
the doctor believes i am lactose intolerant.
remember when i was sad i couldn't eat avocado and i said there was nothing worse in the world?
i was wrong.
Nikki + ice cream = LOOOOOOOVE
everyone knows that!
Nikki + chocolate milk = LOOOOOOOVE
everyone knows that too!
i could name at least 50 other things that equal LOOOOOOOVE when combined with Nikki that include a milk product and now i'm not supposed to have them.
stupid cows with their stupid milk and the stupid chefs that found stupid yummy ways to use the stupid milk from the stupid cows AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
usually when i'm this upset i would go eat a ginormous bowl of ice cream.
what do i do now?!?


matt said...

eat soy ice cream?

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