back to the real world

you know those times when you come home from a vacation and everything suuuuuuuuucks??

this is definitely one of those times for me.

the time when my computer is acting all wackadoodle because it was turned off for the first time in i don't even know when and now i can't read my bloggies and of course that's very frustrating to me.

and i have to go back to work and type type type til my fingers are crying which i bet you didn't know could happen but it can.

and i have more orders to complete than i think is humanly possible which is a big YAY! but also a little bit of a shoot myself in the head because i get very little sleepy time now.

and then my stupid bank is stupid stupid stupid and i want to kick them where the sun don't shine repeatedly til they roll over and die a horrible death.

and then....i look in the fridge and find my mexicano leftovers from dinner last night and realize i actually can make it through the day after all.
silver lining anyone??

stress free is the way to be

i stress way too much.

there, i said it.

i'm sure my levels of stress are about 25% due to the fact that i'm a girl and that's what we do but 75% due to the fact that i'm crazy in the head.

i make insane expectations for myself and am constantly adding thing after thing to my to-do list when i know i won't be able to finish it all.

and then when i don't finish it all i'm upset and frustrated and even more stressed.

so i decided i'd like to get all this under control. 

no need for excess amounts of stress in your life right?

life is for fun and happiness and eating delicious junk food and snuggling puppies and playing on slip and slides.

i think the biggest thing that could help with my stress is changing my being trapped indoors situation.

i work from home and since we only have one car that Matt takes to work well...here i am, stuck until he comes back at night and by that time it's late and we usually just stay in.

not having a car limits what i can do outside of the house but it is summer time and our neighborhood does have a pool so i thought to myself "self, you should at least get out of the house and lay around by the pool on the days you're in need of a stress relieving good time."

and that's what i started to do.

me and kindy have made a couple trips to the pool this week to relax and if during that time my skin decides to turn from pasty white to a more attractive color, i wouldn't mind that too much.

i'm trying really hard to see these little pool outings as something fun to do instead of just another thing to add to my to-do list.

at least once this week i felt myself starting to feel like it was a thing i had to do every single day and therefore i would have to make time for it and that would mean i wouldn't be able to get this and this done before this had to happen and blahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

again, loca en la cabeza.

this is just for fun!

and it's even more fun if Matt gets to do it with me.

this morning he went in to work a little late so we got to lay out and splash around in the pool and then eat breakfast together.

we NEVER get to do that and i loved it!

anyway...here's to the start of my stress free summer/life.

please send all kinds of stress reducing thoughts my way.

brazzlefrat

why doesn't anything go right...EVER?!?

enjoy some tumblr crap while i try desperately to get out of my funk.

i gotta be ready for a super fantabulous May the 4th Be With You day tomorrow!

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p.s.  bonus points to whoever can tell me where the title of this post comes from!

the reason

i think of myself as a pretty positive person.

i like to find the good in things and be happy and smile and laugh.

but lately it's been pretty difficult.

it seems like one thing after another is going wrong in our lives and we can't seem to catch a break.

it's so frustrating.

if i could only know a little tiny piece of why this is happening or how it's going to get better in the future i would feel so much better.

and because i'm that "have-to-find-the-positive" type of girl, this situation has proved one amazing thing.

Matt and i are totally meant for each other in every single way.

i'm sure awful situations like these are what can tear a couple apart but somehow we've managed to stay strong and i think right now we're closer than ever.

we have this crazy way of being able to comfort and build each other up when one of us is sad and feeling beaten down.

it's like, when Matt is upset all of a sudden i become strong and can take on anything and make him feel better again.
and he does the same for me, much more often.

we never break at the same time, there's always one of us there to pick things up and keep us moving forward.

maybe all couples are like this and i just don't know it but i really think that's something special.

Treat Yo Self

Treat Yo Self Day was a success!!

amazing food with my amazing husband!

then...new dress, new sweatshirt, new jeans, new most amazing shirt of my life!

usually i hate skinny jeans but for some reason i actually like this pair.

and so does Matt.

win!

and the amazing shirt...mustaches and top hats?

OH MY GOSH YES!

now i wish every day could be Treat Yo Self Day!!

cosmic joke

it's funny how life doesn't turn out the way you think/hope/plan/dream.

by that sentence you're probably thinking this post is going to be super inspiring because i'm going to tell you all about how i wished for something but something else happened instead and it was so much better than what i imagined blah blah blah.

this is not that kind of post.

check back one day next week when i'm back to my "glass is half full" self for one of those posts.

this weekend i'm gonna have a pity party.

explanation: 

(the short version because i'm so sick of this story)

Matt applied for this amazing job across the country in a beautiful state where seasons are real and there's such a color as green. 

we found a renter for our house and had started packing and all was right with the world.

then in a matter of 24 hours we didn't get the job, our renter wasn't able to rent from us anymore and we're back to the same situation we've been dying to get out of since forever.

how did all this happen?

i have no idea. but i don't like it.

you hear that universe? i don't like this big cosmic joke you're playing on us!

i should be saying to myself "self, there will be other jobs. maybe this one just wasn't the one for us. and it's ok that the renter backed out because we weren't going to have to move to another state anymore."

but all positive thoughts are not being heard at the moment.

i've decided we get a day to feel bad for ourselves.

one day of throwing aside our diet and eating all the junk we can get our hands on.

one day of buying things we've always wanted to buy but don't because we just shouldn't.

one day of watching so much tv it'll rot our brains.

you guys know what i'm talking about...a Treat Yo Self Day!

because we need a little silver lining on the crap cloud that is our life right now.

patience and presents

man, 2012 has been a doozy so far. 

apparently when i asked that 2012 help me grow as a person it didn't want to waste any time.

and it has also decided that my number one strength i need to practice is patience.
which is probably one of the most annoying things to practice ever ever ever ever.
before this i thought i was a relatively patient person.
 i would wait at a restaurant for the waitress to come by without getting upset or wait for my turn on the slide without shoving the other kids.
in my mind that means i'm patient.
but there are so many things going on right now and patience is kinda getting in the way of life and it's making me grumpy and worried and ughhhh.

so here i sit, pretending to be patient while my mind goes berserk thinking about all the things i could be doing if i could just know everything right now.
my level of stress couldn't be higher.
dang you 2012 and your patience-learning ways. 

in other news...
i haven't had a chance to tell the universe about our most amazing late Christmas presents.
first...

the Kindle!!
i was lucky enough to get a large gift card to use on an item of my choosing and this is what i chose!
i'm sure most people will be surprised because i'm more the type to plop myself down in front of the tv rather than pick up a book but i seriously love this thing.
i've already read like 4 books and i've only had it a couple weeks.
i really think it makes me read faster. it has magical powers that can do that ya know.
so now anybody and everybody should give me book recommendations since i'm all smart and bookish now!

and our second amazing present...

iPhone 4s!
Matt has been begging for an iPhone since the day he found out about them and i've been the terrible grinchy wife who wouldn't let him get one.
well now i'm an angel sent from above because i bought him one!
BEST WIFE AWARD!
he got the black one and i got the white one and now we're busy iPhoning it up.
we got words with friends going on and everyone should start a game with me!
username: ohNIKKIissocool
and Matt is seriously in love with Siri. so weird.
and we finally joined the world of Instagram.
proof:

kindle time. i think Padme likes my new reading self because we get a bunch of cuddle time together.

my favorite picture of Padme ever.

close up of yours truly.

so if you put together our new iPhones and my Kindle you realize that Matt and i have gone up about 20 cool points in just the last couple weeks.
that's right!!

now i'm gonna go try my hardest to continue being patient.

so far my Google reader is testing me because it hasn't been working.

yes i know how lame that sounds but let's be honest, you would be peeved too.

decisions

ya know when you're a kid and you think being a grown up is gonna be so awesome?

you'll finally be able to jump on your bed

and eat ice cream before dinner

and watch tv all the time

and drive

and buy things

and play with your food

and stay up late

and have money

and eat whatever you want

and play with your friends

but then when you finally get there you realize that being a grown up SUCKS!

you have to work all the time

and pay bills

and make dinner

and run errands

and clean your house

and you never have money

and don't ever get time to play

and worst of all...you have to make decisions.

when you're a kid decisions are simple.

like do i or do i not take a cookie from the cookie jar.

when you're a grown up it seems like every decision you make is a huge life altering decision that makes your heart race and breathing impossible and panic sets in and you want to kill yourself.

maybe this is just me since i'm the WORST decision maker EVER.

i hate it. loathe it entirely actually.

when i have to make a really difficult decision it makes me wish fortune tellers were real so i could have them look at my hand lines and tell me exactly what i'm suppose to do.

but with my luck my hand lines would probably say something like "ask again later" and then i'd still be screwed.

i also wish pro/con lists actually worked for me.

my lists always say the same things on both sides because i make myself see the good and bad in every point.

i'm sure you can imagine how frustrating that is.

if anyone has a magical decision making machine out there and wants to lend it to me for a couple days that would be swell.